


Stupidest Thing I've Ever Done

by yourefreckledjesus



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Fluff, House Party, M/M, Mild Language, POV Alternating, POV First Person, Possible smut, Possibly Unrequited Love, Underage Drinking, i guess i should tag that, im bad at tagging, more characters too, more tags as things come up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-24
Updated: 2013-11-08
Packaged: 2017-12-30 08:50:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1016592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourefreckledjesus/pseuds/yourefreckledjesus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marco Bodt has done a lot of stupid things that all have one common factor, his best friend Jean Kirschtein. But probably the stupidest thing he has ever done is fall in love with the hot headed idiot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic that I've published and I'm really sorry if it seems OOC I've never done a fic about them I just became really obsessed with this ship and somehow came up with this idea really early in the morning, which is also when I wrote the first chapter. It is only partially beta'd, and by that I mean I had my sister read it but I don't think she actually looked for mistakes.
> 
> So quick note that * means the POV has changed but this is mainly Marco's story. I just think that some of Jean's thoughts/ reactions needed to be told also.
> 
> The title will pop up a lot in various ways that I hope isn't really annoying but the stupidest thing Marco (and Jean) has ever done changes as the story progresses.

I give my old best friend a hesitant smile as he walks up to me. He returns the smile, his more confident as if nothing has changed between us. _Just one phone call and he thinks its all better?_

“Hey,” I say with a little wave. “I’m glad you came over.”

Jean smiles brighter, it looks a bit odd on him but that’s probably because I haven’t seen him smile in a long time. “I’m glad you called,” he says happily. There’s tension in the air but either Jean can’t feel it or he’s doing a great job at ignoring it. For some reason that makes me relax a little. If Jean can be relaxed, and apparently happy, then I guess I can be too.

“Well, technically you called first,” I say. _About a million times_ , I add in my head. “So I just thought I’d be polite.”

Jean’s smile falters a little. “Well,” he starts. There’s a long pause. “I just really wanted to talk to you.” I’m shocked when he steps closer and wraps his arms around me adding, “I really missed you, Marco. I’m really fucking sorry.”

We stand there, me silent in his arms, him slightly shifting as the one way hug drags on. Its not until he starts to pull away that I return the hug, just wanting him to keep his arms around me like when we were friends and I was cold or sad. “I missed you too, Jean,” I say with a small sigh and a true smile.

“I love you, Marco,” Jean whispers in my ear. My whole body tenses in his arms, not knowing how to respond. The man I’ve been in love with for four years loves me back. I believe him. I really do believe him but what I can’t believe is that he thinks this is how he’s going to make everything better between us. I push him away from me. “Marco, what’s wr-” his voice cuts off when he sees my face.

I glare at him, my hands clenched into fists, the smile I had only moments ago now a frown. “You have no right to do this Jean Kirschtein,” I growl. “You have no right to suddenly tell me you love me after ignoring me for the better half of the year!”

Jean flinches at the venom in my words. Normally I would hate to be this harsh to him but how could he do this? How could he just ignore me for almost a year, not even a simple text, and then have the nerve to tell me he loves me just because we’re back at home for summer break. He didn’t even bother when we were both in town during the winter holidays. There was no invitation to hang out over spring break. We were in the same college for god sakes but he couldn’t be bothered to send me a text to meet for lunch or to study or just to have a small chat. He couldn’t be bothered to even talk to me at parties we both went to, even with me only a few feet away. No, Jean was too busy chasing girls around, getting into fights with Eren, and just being a huge jackass like he always has been.

“It’s not like you tried to talk to me either!” Jean shouts, his body now slightly shaking with anger. How dare he be angry about all of this. “You could have easily tried to talk to me too!”

“Are you serious?” I ask in a harsh voice that’s not my own. My whole body tenses more with all the held back anger over the last year of him ignoring me for no reason. “How would I even start a conversation with you when you’re too busy trying to have some drunken hook-up or starting fights for no reason? How would I even start it? Oh, hey Jean you’ve been ignoring me because of some stupid crush I had on you in high school but yeah how has it been?”

Jean’s whole demeanor changes when I say ‘had’. “You don’t love me anymore?” he asks accusingly, as if I’m the bad guy now. “You said you loved me, Marco. Did you not mean that? Was it really just a stupid crush?”

“Just a stupid high school crush,” I lie. I try to keep my words as steady as possible. “You were my best friend and we were so close that I just made myself think that I loved you. That’s all. I never loved you Jean. Get over it.”

I turn around before he can say anything. Seeing the tears in his eyes, a mix of anger and sadness, makes my heart hurt and kills me just a little bit inside. I want to cry. I want to comfort him while he cries. I want him to comfort me. But none of those things can happen now. Its too late, we’ve ruined things out of fear and anger.

There’s a hand on my wrist as I start to walk away, and before I can even begin to process what’s happening, I’m being being pulled back. Jean turns me around by my shoulders and brushes his lips against mine. Heat rushes to my stomach, through my whole body when Jean;s hand comes to my cheek to add more pressure to our kiss. His lips are warm, slightly chapped just like the other times and for a moment I just don’t care. For a moment I just want to keep kissing him but I pull back and slap him instead.

*

After Marco slaps me I know its all over, I’ve lost everything. It’s the confirmation that I really have fucked up. I knew it once his trademark smile left his beautiful freckled face but the stinging in my cheek as I watch him walk away makes it sink in that I just fucked up the only thing I was sure about wanting. I waited too long. I did all the wrong things and now I doubt he’ll even want to be my friend. Completely pushing Marco Bodt out of my life for the past year was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done to him. No, scratch that, the stupidest thing I’ve ever done period. This time there’s no take backs. I’ve probably lost him forever and I have no idea what to do about it.

I watch Marco walk away without turning back once. I watch him walk away until I can’t see him anymore. I’ve done a lot of stupid things in my life. I really have but I could usually fix them or forget about them. I can’t forget about Marco. I doubt I can ever fix it, I wouldn’t know where to start. I just lost Marco forever and I have no idea what to do about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry to leave you will just this little teaser prologue, I promise it is a happy story too, but I'm having a bit of trouble working out how to start the first chapter. It will probably be up soon. With that said there will probably be irregular updates, maybe fast ones at times but then possibly a week pause or something, but I expect fast updates because I have a lot of time on my hands it just depends on if I can work everything out for each chapter.
> 
> Like I said sorry if its OOC. Also sorry if there are a lot of mistakes. I would love some comments on how I could make it better or just pointing out where I've made some mistakes. Also I would really like a beta so if anyone is interested you can talk to me on here about it or on my tumblr [yourefreckledjesus] about it.
> 
> Eep sorry about the long notes~


	2. Out big year

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’ve always said that one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done was become best friends with Jean Kirschtein (or when I told him that his goofy undercut with the top of his hair dyed a sandy blonde looked good)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little slow going in my opinion but I promise it gets better.
> 
> Again * means a change in POV and I added little break off thoughts that are italicized and separated with - also ~ means a time break if its big I'll put the amount of time other wise its probably only a few hours maybe a day

~2 years before prologue beginning of senior year~

The muffled sound of my phone wakes me up, the stupid ringtone Jean set for himself. I check the time as I grope under my pillow, 8 am, _why in the world is he even awake right now?_ Jean has never been one to wake up early without a fight, especially in the summer. Finally I find my phone, of course it was at the other side of the bed, and answer it. “You do realize what time it is, right?”

Jean snorts, “Let’s consider this pay back from all the years that you’ve woken me up at the asscrack of dawn for some pointless reason like school.”

“I’m pretty sure the expression is just ‘the crack of dawn’,” I tell him, this earns me another amused snort. “And school is pretty important if you don’t want to end up stuck in this town with your parents for all of your life.”

“Nah, I’ll just come bum off of you when you’re rich,” Jean says. I sigh but I’m smiling at the thought of me and Jean being domestic. “This is not the reason I called you, though. I just thought I’d give you a little heads up that we’re going to a party at Connie’s tonight and no you can’t fucking back out of it. You have no excuse. Your parents aren’t home tonight so no family stuff, there’s no school for another three days, and I’ll just shoot down any other excuse you try to come up with and drag you to the party if I have to.”

I groan. “Jean, I don’t even like parties. I don’t like drinking and don’t even try to say that I don’t have to drink because we both know that you’ll make me.”

“Aw, come on,” Jean whines. I’m tempted to hang up before he can guilt trip me into this. There really is no way for me to get out of going to the last party of the summer. “You haven’t been to any parties with me, Marco. It’s like a celebration to start senior year, y’know. Don’t you want to celebrate our last year in high school? Isn’t this supposed to be _our_ big year?”

I smile up to the ceiling. Yeah it is gonna be our year.

-

_I’ve always said that one of the stupidest things I’ve ever done was become best friends with Jean Kirschtein (or when I told him that his goofy undercut with the top of his hair dyed a sandy blonde looked good). It’s not that I don’t want to be friends with Jean. I actually really like having him as a friend. He’s the only person I can be completely open with. It’s just...sometimes it can be a lot of work to keep him from flying off the handle when someone, mostly Eren, disagrees with him or he disagrees with them. Or when he ‘just being honest’. It’s worth the lifetime friendship though._

_Actually, his hot head is the reason we became friends. He stuck up for me in kindergarten when some kids were teasing me about my freckles and has stuck up for me since then. He says he only stuck around because I’m too nice and obviously needed someone around, but I’m pretty sure he just liked having a friend too. It’s been about twelve years since we became friends and even with our clashing personalities we’ve barely had any arguments. I think that’s why I love him._

-

I think about Jean’s plans for our senior year after we get off the phone. He has it all planned out and its gonna be ‘hella rad’ and he’s finally going to ask Mikasa out and try to hook me up with someone, I told him I’m fine being single but he refuses to let the subject die, and so many other things that I know won’t happen but I’ll let him dream. I mean I have my dreams and plans too so why ruin his when they make him happy. Its nice to have him excited about something for a change. Honestly I don’t even care if he tries to get me to date someone, it won’t work, but I know he’s just trying to make me happy or something. Its not like he knows that he’s the one I want to be with. Jean doesn’t even know I love him, but I plan on telling him this year just telling him that I love him nothing else. I just want him to know before we go off to college. Who knows what could happen.

-

_Like I said, Jean and I have been friends for a long time. I didn’t always love him, at least not knowingly. No, that didn’t happen until sophomore year. I don’t know why I decided to admit to myself that I love him but I did. And that’s when I realized becoming his best friend wasn’t all that stupid. But falling in love with Jean truly is the stupidest thing I have ever done._

-

It’s 4 pm by the time I wake up again, not remembering when I fell back to sleep. Its not like me to sleep this late but between staying up until 1 am watching movies and Jean waking me up so early its not a big surprise. I stretch out my limbs, little pops coming from my spine and joints, and get out of bed to take a shower so I can get ready for the party tonight. Apparently we’re leaving at 9 so we have some time to walk there that way we don’t have to worry about leaving the car if we both drink or staying at Connie’s and being on cleanup duty tomorrow, that’s never fun. Neither is walking home drunk but its definitely better than cleaning up after one of Connie’s parties with a hangover.

The walk to the bathroom is cold but it helps clear the sleep from my as I start the shower and get in. I think about the party and how Jean said I could choose when we leave as long as we’re there for at least two hours. After drinking I know he’ll try to deny saying that he’ll try to deny saying that but hey, maybe I’ll actually have fun this time. I smile and decide to push all negative thoughts out of my mind only thinking about having fun with Jean and the rest of our friends at the last big party of the summer. This is our big year, the year when big things are going to happen, probably the best year in this town before we all go away to college. I can already tell that I’m going to like this year.

*

I curse at my phone when it starts to ring. I don’t even care that it’s Marco. Doesn’t he know that I’m trying to sleep, that I stayed up all night and that I just want to get some goddamn sleep. I throw my hand out to my nightstand and manage to bring my phone to my face to answer it. “What?”

“You went back to sleep, didn’t you?” Marco says, sounding amused but disappointed. I wrack my brain for a reason on why he would already be disappointed with me today.

“Shit!” I bolt up, not able to say anything else as my head spins from lack of sleep and sitting up too quickly. Once everything stops I check the time, 6 pm, we’re leaving for the party in three hours and I haven’t eaten anything or showered all day.

“Did you remember the party that you’re dragging me to?” Marco asks, I can practically hear his cocky smile in the question. “The party that was so important you woke me up at 8 am to tell me about it?”

“Tch, I remember the party don’t be a smartass,” I say as I get out of bed. “And its not that I went back to sleep its more that I finally went to sleep. I was kept up by texts about the party last night and when I looked at the clock it said 8, I didn’t know which 8 it meant until you answered in your sleepy voice.”

Marco chuckles. “Yeah, well now its 6 pm and I hope you’re getting ready because you have three hours. I just had this feeling that you went back to sleep and wouldn’t wake up without any help.”

“Yeah, thanks mom,” I say, earning another chuckle. I’m glad he’s in a good mood now. It will make it easier to get him to the party and to actually have fun. “Well, if you’re done checking up on me I think I’ll go take a shower and get food unless you’re gonna cook for me too.”

“No,” Marco says. “You’re a big boy now, Jean. I’m sure you can make your own food and eat all by yourself.”

I roll my eyes at his tone. Yeah, its definitely going to be a lot easier to get Marco to relax and have a few drinks tonight. “You think so? I mean I’ve been working on eating feeding myself for a while now so we’ll see how it goes.” This gets a good laugh from him, I love Marco’s laughs and smiles even if its just from him being amused at my stupidity or lame jokes that he for some reason always finds funny. “I’ll come by your place when I’m done, okay?”

Marco hums in agreement before we hang up.

-

_The smartest thing I’ve ever done was become friends with the happy-go-lucky Marco Bodt. Sticking up for him in kindergarten was the best decision I’ve ever made. Granted I don’t always make the best decisions so there’s not much competition but that’s not the point. Marco is the only person I can completely trust. Even though he’s way too nice with that goofy smile plastered on his freckled face he’s still honest and not afraid to tell me how it is. That’s why I’m friends with him and that’s why I’ll always be friends with him._

-

Its almost 9 when I finally head down the street to Marco’s. He’s already waiting on his front porch looking at something on his phone. “Hey, we going or what?”

He looks up at me, a smile stretching across his freckled face. “You’re the one being slow.”

“Details, details,” I say with a wave of my hand. Marco laughs and we head down the street. Connie’s house is only about two blocks away from us so there’s no point in driving in the first place and leaving a car means we have to go back in the morning to get it. I think staying at home in bed with no lights or sounds is a better option, hangover or not.

“You’re not gonna start a fight tonight, are you?” Marco asks as we get closer to Connie’s. I roll my eyes. “Jean, if you start a fight I’m making you leave early.”

“I’m not going to start a fight, Marco,” I say with a sigh. _As long as no one starts a fight with me._ Marco gives me a stern look that doesn’t fit right on his face even though I’ve seen it a million times. “I promise.”

Marco accepts the promise with a wide smile and I return one without even thinking about it. There’s something about his smile that just makes me smile too. I used to hate it but I’ve gotten over that.

I’m not surprised to see Marco’s smile widen as we get close to the house. Even if he doesn’t really want to be here he’ll still have a good time and be happy with all of our friends. That’s one of the things I really like about him. I plan on making that smile grow all this year, our big senior year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'know I just feel like Jean would say hella rad. Okay I hope you liked it. It was hard for me to write because I was already planning ahead and didn't know how to lead up to the party in the next chapter. Like I said it gets better. Also the little break off thoughts might not show up much in most of the chapters unless I need to get something across that fits but doesn't quite fit.
> 
> So just wondering if there was anything you guys would like to happen at the party. I already have stuff planned but if there's anything you think would be cool to happen just tell me in the comments or you can talk to me on my tumblr about anything really its yourefreckledjesus.
> 
> The second chapter will hopefully go smoother and will be up in a week at the most~


	3. What just happened?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve done a lot of stupid things but this might cost me my best friend. I can’t let that happen. Holy shit what just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda wrote this one backwards so I hope it makes sense.
> 
> Again * means a change in POV change

The party is loud with all the people talking and the loud music but we’re still able to talk as we drink our beers. Jean called it cheap and shitty earlier, because it was, but after a few he stopped complaining. About the beer at least. Now that we’re playing beer pong with Reiner and Ymir he’s just complaining about us losing.

“Maybe if you didn’t have such shitty aim you could actually win,” Ymir said when Jean missed again. So far we, by that I mean I, have only made 3 shots leaving so they still have 7 cups while Jean and I only have 3 left. It’s pretty obvious that we’re going to lose this game just like the other one against them, we probably wouldn’t be playing a fifth game if Jean wasn’t so cocky from winning against Armin and Eren the last game. “You should have quit while you were ahead.”

“Shut up,” Jean snaps. Ymir sinks another ball, my turn to drink.

The game goes on for a few more turns with more taunts and we lose, doing even worse than last time. After Reiner makes the last cup Ymir starts gloating. I take Jean’s arm and lead him away from the table before he can start an argument with her.

“How about we just find something else to do,” I suggest once we’re in another room.

“Don’t suggest going home,” Jean says sternly. I chuckle at him, of course he would automatically assume that. He cocks his brow in confusion. “What’s so funny?”

I shake my head and smile, “Nothing, Jean. Can’t you see I’m having a good time? I’m just trying to keep you from starting a drunken argument.”

“I’m not drunk, Marco,” Jean says, rolling his eyes. “Stop smiling at me like that. I’m not drunk, maybe a little tipsy, but not drunk.”

I roll my eyes at him. “Of course you’re not. You never get drunk, only tipsy. I’m just imagining the pink on your cheeks.”

“Now you’re catching on,” Jean says with a smirk. I smile, more at Sasha than Jean, as she throws her arms around his shoulders practically jumping on him. “What the fuck!”

“There you are!” Sasha says, alcohol making her words loud and a bit slurred. “You have to come play this new game with us, we need an even number of people!”

“Who is us?” Jean asks, peeling Sasha’s arms off of him. “What game?”

“Me, Connie, Armin, Eren, Ymir, Krista, Reiner, and Bertl,” Sasha replies. She grabs me by the wrist. “You’ll come play, right Marco?”  
“That’s already an even amount,” Jean says. “If we go play it will make it uneven.” Instead of replying Sasha starts to drag me off to another room. “Hey, you can’t just force him to play.”

*

I follow Marco and Sasha to the room where everyone is sitting around a short table, beers and other drinks in the center of the table. Mikasa and Annie are the only ones not sitting at the table, sitting at opposite ends of Connie’s couch instead. I smile at Mikasa but she’s looking at Eren and Armin. I feel a hand on my wrist and look to see Marco tugging me down to sit next to him at the table, a weary smile on his face. He doesn’t really like drinking games but he’ll play if someone asks, or forces, him to.

“Okay, the game is called cops and robbers,” Connie says and he sorts through a deck of cards, pulling out 10. He shows us the cards, an ace, a king, and 8 other cards counting down from 10. “So I’m going to shuffle these and pass one out to each of you. Whoever gets the ace is the robber. Whoever gets the king is the cop. When everyone has their card, we all stare at each other. The cop has to see who the robber is so they have to watch everyone close. Once the person sees the robber winking at them they have to say ‘the deal is made’. Then the cop shows his card and has to guess the robber. If you’re wrong you have to drink whatever number is on the card of the person you guessed. Then you have to guess again and keep drinking if you keep getting it wrong.”

“Also, if the robber winks at the cop you have to take 11 drinks,” Sasha adds. “We’re just starting with beers but after two rounds you can choose whatever you want or we can do shots!”

Marco looks at me and I just shrug. It sounds like a fun game so I guess we’ll play. I pull out my phone to check the time then lean over to him. “We can leave soon if you want,” I say. “It’s almost 11.”

“It’s fine,” Marco says, smiling again. I smile back. “We can play this game for a while.”

“Okay,” I reply. Connie passes out the cards. Thankfully I’m not the cop or robber for the first round.

Ten rounds into the game Sasha remembers that we were going to do shots. We’re all drunk enough to agree, and Mikasa suggests that we lower the number of drinks we have to take when we guess wrong. She switches out the cards for all lower numbers and Annie decides the new number for if the robber winks at the cop, 3. I think that’s the highest number of card that Mikasa let us have too.

After two rounds of shots Marco says he wants to leave and we’re able to slip out easily. Marco hangs on me as we walk home, both of us slurring out a conversation about the game. Soon we’re walking past Marco’s house but I make him keep walking to mine. “You shouldn’t be alone while you’re this drunk.”

Marco just nods in agreement. Really I just want him with me. I don’t know why but I just really want him with me.

*

Jean and I stumble into his room and throw ourselves on his bed too drunk to care about personal space. “Have you ever kissed anyone, Marco?” Jean asks randomly. Rolling over to face me.

“That one guy at camp in middle school,” I reply. He knows this though.

“Oh yeah,” Jean says, sounding a bit sad. _Why is he sad?_ “It was just a lame kiss though, right?”

“I guess,” I say with a shrug.

“So you’ve never had a real kiss?” Jean asks. I just shrug again and close my eyes. We’re quiet after that. Until I feel Jean’s body over mine. “Wha-”

I feel Jean’s lips on my cheek and my voice cuts off. He mumbles some curse word and I feel them again a little closer to my lips. My head instinctively moves so when he tries again our lips come together. Jean’s lips are warm and a bit wet. It doesn’t click that we’re kissing until he shifts over me more, one leg between mine, one hand clumsily placed on my cheek, his other arm propping himself up. _Jean is kissing me._

I should be pulling away, we’re drunk and this isn’t right but I can’t get myself to do it. Jean is kissing me and I’m kissing him back.

I part my lips when Jean slides his tongue along them. I’m distracted from his tongue sliding across mine when I feel him press against me more. _What is going on?_ I push him away. “I have to go,” I say, my voice rough as I try to catch my breath. I clumsily get up, my head hazy from drinking and from that kiss. I’m out the door before Jean can even say anything.

I throw myself on my bed when I finally make it into my room. What just happened? Why did he kiss me? Jean isn’t gay. He doesn’t love me the way I love him. We’re just drunk. That’s the only reason everything happened. Right? Yes, that’s the only reason. We probably won’t even remember it. Well he won’t, I don’t think this will ever leave my mind. If he doesn’t remember then I’m not telling him. If he doesn’t remember it doesn’t need to be brought up at all because everything will get messed up. He’ll hate me for not stopping it.

I lie in bed for a while thinking about it all. The last thought I have before passing out is that kissing Jean is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done.

*

I watch Marco leave in stunned silence. What the fuck just happened?

Why did he push me off? Why did he leave? Fuck! Why did I even try to do that? Maybe we’ll forget about it in the morning. No, I’ll make sure to forget about it in the morning. This is not something that can be undone but maybe ignoring it and acting like it didn’t happen will help things stay normal. If he doesn’t bring it up then I’m not bringing it up. This is the stupidest thing I’ve ever done and I’ve done a lot of stupid things but this might cost me my best friend. I can’t let that happen. Holy shit what just happened?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no good excuse on why this is a little later than I said it would be. Unless you follow me on tumblr and then you know why. But yeah I hope you enjoyed this. Sorry I didn't make the making out longer. But I'll treat you to how my friend Alexis told me to describe kisses:  
> HE PUCKERED HIS LIPS AND POUTED GENTLY AND LIKE A VACUUM WENT TOWARDS THE OTHER BOYS FACE
> 
> Anyway this time I will try for one week or less. I promise. And you can yell at me to hurry up at anytime on my tumblr, yourefreckledjesus. Hope you enjoyed~ Any comments are welcome and appreciated.

**Author's Note:**

> Words of advice from my friends that help me write  
> Warren: Writing frees the soul. And yours is beautiful  
> The Jerk: you should write, otherwise the story you started will never be complete   
> Izzy: If you don't, Ill spam you with smuppets (did that help)


End file.
